Surgeon General's Warning

I kind of feel like I should write something "deep" or "inspiring" today, seeing how it is Easter, or even something just "positive." But the news I have for you all today isn't really any of those. I bring a rather serious message. Here's my story:
Jack in the Box, I think, is pretty limited to the West Coast, but it is a fast food restaurant open almost every single hour of every single day. And at 1:15 in the morning when fast food appears to be the ONLY way to survive the night, Jack in the Box is the place to go. This is how I found myself there last night with a list of desired food in one hand. I decided to go for the Happy Meal, which turns out to NOT be called a Happy Meal at JB. It's just a Kid's Meal. I had them add bacon to my burger, of course. The real bonus to the JB Kid's Meal is that you get applesauce as a dessert! (Yeah!) But little did I know that by eating applesauce at 1:15 in the morning, you can get made fun of by drunk people. [What happens next is only intended for our mature readers:]
Druggie #1 thinks it would be really funny for me to "drink" my applesauce with a straw. I say no problem.
Druggie #2 this it would be really funny for druggie #1 to "blow" the applesauce. (which i just learned means to 'take it up the nose'). He says no problem.
I take a plate and make a neat little "line" of applesauce, just like i used to do with pixi stix back in the day. Druggie #1 takes a cut-in-half straw, puts it up his nose and snorts the stuff. Up his nose. Two lines. No joke. Funniest thing I have ever seen. Oh, man. words cannot describe how hard I was laughing. I was about two seconds away from peeing myself, but (lucky for me) two unlikely characters entered, stage left, which stopped me from the whole peeing myself incident. phew. that was close. Although I do not recommend "blowing applesauce," you are able to drive afterwards.
Unless you do pixie stix AND applesauce...
THAT could get crazy.......